I have decided to open this diary because I need a public way to take responsibility. My biggest problem is neither technical nor strategic: it is the bloody impatience. I go in first, I go out earlier, I skip the plan and then I regret it. Here I will share every operation, even those that embarrass me, to see if stopping hiding behind the graph helps me evolve.
Today was one of those days that the market seemed to make fun of me. I had everything in favour in EURUSD: structure, volume, context... and yet I closed earlier because of fear. Result: +8 pips when I could have had +45. I disgust myself sometimes!
I checked all my operations last month, 72% were closed before the target because of panic, and the most fucked up thing: if I had followed the plan, I would be positive, instead, I finished the month - 2.3%.
Yesterday I skipped the perfect trade for checking TikTok. Then I entered an operation without clear setup just for “not staying out.” Result: -15 pips and more frustration. This journal is becoming a list of my mistakes more than a trading journal.
Today I followed the plan to the letter and, surprise... I won. +38 pips in GBPJPY. No anxiety, no stop moving, no look at the chart every 30 seconds. Is this sheath working when I don't sabotage it?
Okay, I needed to write this: I went overtrading like a rookie! I lost yesterday’s +38 pips and added -24 more for not being able to stop. The lesson? The market doesn’t punish your system, punish your lack of discipline.
I didn’t operate today. I saw the market, felt the desire, but there was no setup. I closed the platform and went to read. It’s the first real victory I feel in weeks, more than any trade.
I re-operated after two days in demo to reset the mind. I ran three setups in AUDUSD and EURJPY. One BE, one -12 and one +25. Result: +13 net. More important than that: zero impulsivity.
I share my rule plan, to see if writing it here helps me not to violate it anymore: Do not operate off schedule (8:00-11:00 and 15:00-17:00 CET
I'm tired of gurus selling magic formulas. The problem is not the system, it's me. There's no indicator to correct self-abotage. This diary is serving me as a mirror, even if I don't like what I see.
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